Hmm, it's been a while. This blog is feeling a bit neglected. I think a lot of things are feeling a bit neglected, like my desk, it's getting a bit...crowded. A mountain of applications and paperwork. More stuff to put off. Well, I'm definitely glad to be heading back to LA, after a crazy weekend in San Jose. I hate this place. But my dog was too cute! He's always too cute!
Is he not the cutest thing ever!!! *ahem*

Anyway, had dinner with Dude yesterday at Chili's. I've had this craving for good beef, a good steak. I still have that craving. Just like I still want a good hot dog. Apparently, Chicago hot dogs are amazing. We'll have to see about that after I go to Pink's, and then Chicago. Maybe I'll look for a job over there. Then I can have hot dogs whenever I want. Haha. Isn't that something, moving to a city just for good food. Well I guess it's not that strange. I suppose I should move on from the subject of food lest I make myself hungry again. Perhaps I will go eat my leftovers...

happiness is being alone every now and then...

I've discovered that after coming back from China (yes! I'm back!), I just want to be alone. Maybe I've felt this the whole summer, but definitely more so now. I suppose it's a reaction to being with my mother and my cousin, who annoys me greatly, for the last 3 weeks. I suppose it's also a reaction to all the changes going on in my life, as if everything is seemingly being uprooted and tossed about. I think I just need to get my head cleared and straighten myself out, turn to the Lord, confess, and go on. *sigh* I think I'm just having a hard time in terms of not having a plan for my future. I've always known what I was going to do, but for the first time, my life is unscripted. I know this is the Lord's dealing with my "plan for the future" self. I must turn to the Lord and follow Him. I'm reminded of the message during the summer training where the brother shared on each one having a path that has been ordained by the Lord. We must be faithful to take that path and follow the Lamb to the end. I haven't quite come to that experience, far from it in fact. But I think I'm slowly learning to resign myself into the Lord's hands.

olympic madness

i've decided that the olympics in beijing is more irritating than it is exciting. everything is so much more difficult like getting through the security checks on the subway. i mean, do you realize how many thousands of people pass through the subway systems everyday??? it's crazy. the same goes for traveling outside beijing. since they're limiting the number of foreigners into the city (i.e. people from outside beijing) it's hard for people like us who have foreign passports to get back into the city once we leave. it's horrid! ok maybe i'm just irked at all this olympics stuff. there are good aspects like the reduction in traffic and the cleaning up of the side streets. the only thing is, it's probably all going to go back to the way it was before the olympics. i'm probably jaded but i have a feeling that this is all just a show for the rest of the world.

anywho, enough of that rant. i have exactly 2 weeks until i come back to the US. YAY!! that means i have less than a month until i go back to los angeles! even more YAY! being in beijing is really an exercise. it's hard being away from the saints, i realize. definitely. it's even harder being with my mother all the time. i think one thing that's saved me this time in china is praying for the saints. it doesn't help me any to keep praying for my own situation, in fact it makes me feel worse. but once i start praying for the other members, i feel so much more released. it's good, so Lord keep me praying.

i have this sinking feeling in my heart. i've only been here for 5 days?? impossible it seems. i wish the olympics would just start already. this is really frustrating. there's nothing for me to do here it seems but go wandering around in the city. it's no different from wandering around in LA or san francisco. sigh..

this is crazy. i need to come back to the US. i need to be back in LA.

beginning

the beginning of my "vacation" has started. i'm sitting at SFO waiting for my flight to board which won't happen for another 2 hours. bah so boring. i've decided waiting for flights is a very unnecessarily long and tedious part of traveling. i'm sure many would agree.

falling slowly

besides listening to the song on repeat, i feel like i'm falling. or maybe i've already fallen.