happiness is being alone every now and then...

I've discovered that after coming back from China (yes! I'm back!), I just want to be alone. Maybe I've felt this the whole summer, but definitely more so now. I suppose it's a reaction to being with my mother and my cousin, who annoys me greatly, for the last 3 weeks. I suppose it's also a reaction to all the changes going on in my life, as if everything is seemingly being uprooted and tossed about. I think I just need to get my head cleared and straighten myself out, turn to the Lord, confess, and go on. *sigh* I think I'm just having a hard time in terms of not having a plan for my future. I've always known what I was going to do, but for the first time, my life is unscripted. I know this is the Lord's dealing with my "plan for the future" self. I must turn to the Lord and follow Him. I'm reminded of the message during the summer training where the brother shared on each one having a path that has been ordained by the Lord. We must be faithful to take that path and follow the Lamb to the end. I haven't quite come to that experience, far from it in fact. But I think I'm slowly learning to resign myself into the Lord's hands.

olympic madness

i've decided that the olympics in beijing is more irritating than it is exciting. everything is so much more difficult like getting through the security checks on the subway. i mean, do you realize how many thousands of people pass through the subway systems everyday??? it's crazy. the same goes for traveling outside beijing. since they're limiting the number of foreigners into the city (i.e. people from outside beijing) it's hard for people like us who have foreign passports to get back into the city once we leave. it's horrid! ok maybe i'm just irked at all this olympics stuff. there are good aspects like the reduction in traffic and the cleaning up of the side streets. the only thing is, it's probably all going to go back to the way it was before the olympics. i'm probably jaded but i have a feeling that this is all just a show for the rest of the world.

anywho, enough of that rant. i have exactly 2 weeks until i come back to the US. YAY!! that means i have less than a month until i go back to los angeles! even more YAY! being in beijing is really an exercise. it's hard being away from the saints, i realize. definitely. it's even harder being with my mother all the time. i think one thing that's saved me this time in china is praying for the saints. it doesn't help me any to keep praying for my own situation, in fact it makes me feel worse. but once i start praying for the other members, i feel so much more released. it's good, so Lord keep me praying.